Does Marriage Require Knowledge? Experiences of Women Participating in Pre-Marriage Education

Today the phenomenon of getting married at a young age is rising and shown through social media. According to Islamic religious rules, there are many pros and contras against this phenomenon, especially related to marriage. It has led to various pre-marriage educational programs as a means of understanding and preparing for marriage. This study aimed to explore the experiences of a single woman in emerging adulthood who participates in Pre-Marriage Talk Class. This study used a qualitative approach with the snowball sampling technique. A total of 5 respondents participated in this study, and data were collected through an online interview. We used the thematic analysis to analyze the data. The results showed that Pre-Marriage Talk Class provides additional knowledge, awareness, and mindset to participants, including 1) knowledge about the age of


INTRODUCTION
Besides, marriage is also seen as a form of fulfillment of social interest, such as maintaining human life and concern about the safety in society from diseases that endanger life and also maintaining the peace of individual's mind 7 .
The study about marriage from legal, religious, and sociocultural perspectives explains that marriage is a proper way to 4 Meraj Ahmad Ahmad, "The Importance of Marriage in Islam," International Journal of Research -GRANTHAALAYAH 6, no. 11 (2018) build a committed romantic relationship. This romantic relationship leads to an aim to fulfill religious law and social interest in society.
Married individuals tied legally, religiously, and socioculturally to be committed to a predetermined law.
The purpose of a marriage develops over time. In the 1800s, marriage was the main reason to fulfill social, political, and economic needs, while now marriage is a form of self-fulfillment and love 8 .
From a religious point of view, the purpose of marriage is not only about the generation but also to develop a harmonious, happy, and achieve prosperity as a family. Marriage is concerned about the couple and concerns the family and society 9 . The two individuals involved in a marriage relationship can use their rights and obligations in the family, creating inner peace to foster love and happiness 10 . In other words, this is called in term of Sakinah Mawaddah Wa Rahmah (calm,cherishing,and loving). 11 Achieving the purpose of marriage needs to go through a process of individual adjustment primarily associated with new roles and tasks. The adjustment process in newlyweds to new roles and 8 Jamiah Manap et al.,  Problems that cause psychological distress in marriage could appear from the beginning before the marriage occurs. Living a married life with commitments, challenges, and all its dynamics is not easy. Conflicts that fail to be anticipated and resolved adaptively will lead to dissatisfaction with marriage life and even potentially to a divorce. Indonesia's Central Statistics Agency (BPS) recorded 231.873 divorce cases in 2019 due to the constant disputes and arguments. Still, in the same year, BPS also recorded 60.505 divorce cases due to leaving one party 23 . Other divorce cases in Indonesia are also caused by factors of bad behavior after marriage from one party, such as drinking behavior, gambling, domestic violence, and economic conditions. There is also a study by Whitton 24 stated that couples with negative communication patterns before

Knowledge About the Age of Marriage
The participants stated that marriage at a relatively young age is not a problem as long as the individual is ready to face the challenges in married life. This view is supported by PMTC's program, which provides insights that the age of marriage is subjective depending on the individual's readiness. Age is often considered not a benchmark of getting married because the most important thing is physical and psychological readiness (emotional maturity, problem-solving, ability to make an independent decision).
"…I think age is not a benchmark, but mindset, knowledge. after attended PMTC, I realize that age is not a benchmark to get married, but self and mental readiness, also knowledge.." (Subject 5) There is a positive response from a participant about marriage according to Islamic rules. However, there are also concerns about household challenges that cause couples easier to divorce. These concerns make the participants more interested to learn about pre-marriage preparation to avoid extreme conflicts.
They stated that regardless of the age of marriage, the household and family development indeed many challenges and need to be well prepared.

".. on one hand I'm happy that taarof can be accepted, but it's a pity also when a person married at a young age then they divorce or cheating once there is a conflict.. PMTC makes me realize that I have to learn more about marriage.." (Subject 3)
Marriage is considered a crucial moment in a person's life span, mainly because of the sociocultural standard in Indonesia, which defines marriage as a social achievement to be proud of 35 .
In addition, the sociocultural value of marriage consequences that even though a woman has completed higher education, has a job, more than 23.5 years old, and is not married yet, it raises a lot of negative prejudice from society 36 . However, pre-marriage education provides knowledge that age would not be the benchmark for determining when individuals should marry.
Based on the participants' answers, there is new knowledge related to the age of marriage, and that psychological readiness is more important to consider than to pursue "the ideal age of marriage." The perspective of marriage preparation by identifying important and specific indicators is commonly practiced by emerging adults 37 . It is also mentioned that women tend to prepare themselves earlier than men 38 . 35

Knowledge about Vision & Mission of Marriage
Having a stable marriage life is considered important to adults 39 , and in achieving that, participants who attended pre-marriage education learned about the importance of clear marriage goals.
They stated that the vision and mission of marriage is an important thing to be known when an individual is making an introduction to a potential partner. It can be started from values, principles, and individual's point of view then reflected on the goals and practical steps that will be taken to develop family life in the future in accordance with Islamic teachings.
The vision & mission of marriage aims to find a match in the relationship, for example, related to the type of partner that can be tolerated at the time of making the introduction. According to Prasetiawati 40 , the couple has to agree on that goal to create stable and harmonious family life or, in Islamic terms, called Sakinah, Mawadah, Wa Rahmah (calm, cherishing, and loving).
Things related to roles, interaction with parents and parents-inlaw, and views on parenting. It also helps individuals understand that marriage is not to follow the trends or fulfill the demands, but the main target should be achieved through a lifetime of worship.
"…I just realize (when attended PMTC) that marriage needs goals like vision and mission, we were encouraged to write down about the type of partner that match with us and can be tolerated and we need the clear goals about our future marriage life.." (Subject 4) Other participants stated that the vision and mission could be a guide for living a married life. Participants are aware that the married life they will live will not always be easy. There might be negative emotions during marriage, such as sadness, anger, disappointment, and jealousy 41 . They also aware that conflicts will inevitably arise either with themselves, partners, or family. Therefore, these agreements can be used as a guide for handling conflicts and keeping the marriage relationship and family life in the desired corridor.  "…now I know about financial management, so I started to save money, managing emergency funds, education funds, and marriage preparation. I started practicing on cash flow, managing personal spent, not shopping unnecessary things." (Subject 3)

Knowledge about Self and Environment Management
Participants also said that PMTC's program helps them to feel calmer and less affected by the environment. PMTC encourages them to use the time to improve & develop themselves, try to learn a better lifestyle, become more productive, and emotionally mature. They stated that there is no need to rush about marriage because there still a lot of preparations related to selfmanagement. Participants are convinced with realistic thinking that a life partner will come once they are ready with themselves and the knowledge they have. 45  The knowledge is also in line with Gunnels' 46 55 . It also shapes individual maturity in thoughts, emotion, and attitudes to support marriage readiness. Individual willingness to know themselves more deeply represents a rational maturity to prepare themselves for married and family life in the future 56 .

Changing Mindset
The PMTC's program has an impact on changing mindset as a result of gaining knowledge of marriage age, vision and mission of marriage, self and environment management, and the awareness of self. This knowledge provides new perspectives related to marriage, family development, and anticipated family conflicts.
Participants learned from the smallest unit, which was then elaborated on its influence on future family life.
The participants realized that marriage might change their whole life, not only to their status as an individual but also to all aspects of the family from both parties. This awareness encourages individuals to think more about plans for the desired future family with comprehensive knowledge and preparation.
"…I realize that both status of mine and my parents will change, so, I think marriage is not only about my future but also about the well-prepared self to living in it..." (subject 1) The dynamics of conflicts in family, roles, and how to live in the social environment encourage participants to think that premarriage knowledge is important to be learned, particularly preparing the self to deal with a potential problem in marriage life. Sharing the interests, point of views, and discussing marriage life in PMTC's program helps individuals to think more realistic and reflective related to the actual steps that need to be prepared before marriage.
"…PMTC makes me realize that marriage is a struggling journey and indeed we need knowledge... this is a lifetime journey and worship, the rest of our life… I reflected my own self about the preparation and the steps that need to be taken..." (subject 3).
Various studies revealed that the readiness for marriage, along with feelings and attitudes towards marriage, is a key variable in decision making and a significant predictor of marital satisfaction 57 . Pre-marriage education provides a broader 57